I was reminded of a hoarding I saw somewhere - " We know of only Seven wonders, everything is a wonder in a child's eye".
How very true!!
Siddhu looks at the lights and bulbs everyday with such awe and wonder, with his eyes twinkling like two little diamonds. We sometimes mock at him that he must have been Edison in one of his previous lifetimes, And he is still checking if everything is fine with his discovery!!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Falling in love with my little one
"Motherhood" - a very much epitomised term!!
Sailing through it was a very different experience, for me though.
I did not feel like a mother throughout and even for a while after my little one's arrival.
No gushing love, No selfless affection, No "you are everything for me" kind of feeling towards my kid. I felt something was seriously wrong with me, or probably I was a selfish and badddd mother!! Till I realised its different for different people and it happened to me slowly..very very slowly.
No love at first sight. First time I laid my eyes on Siddhu (That's how we have name him - Siddharth) I felt.... Nothing.. infact relieved that it was all finally over!!
Nothing filmy or whatever I had read about "this one moment when you see your little angel" feelings..All I could think was something is supposed to happen to me.. why is it not happening?
The next few weeks that followed were a real nightmare.. Endless days of nursing, changing diapers and my own recovery..I used to have bouts of frustration and even anger towards the baby who seemed to be doing nothing but crying and sleeping.
One of those days when Sid was sleeping in the cradle.. I suddenly felt how helpless he was, depending on me for everything. I felt sad for him!! ( I was supposed to love him) All he knew was to cry for anything and everything , for all his needs.
Slowly over days it happened. It was a protective feeling in the beginning.. I need to protect and take care of my little Sid. Then with his smiles, his cooing, his gurgling, his pouts and above all his ever smiling and shining eyes, that convey so many emotions!! - he has won over me!!
I'm head over heels in love with Siddhu now!! After more than two whole month it did happen to me...I'm not such a bad mom after all!!
Sailing through it was a very different experience, for me though.
I did not feel like a mother throughout and even for a while after my little one's arrival.
No gushing love, No selfless affection, No "you are everything for me" kind of feeling towards my kid. I felt something was seriously wrong with me, or probably I was a selfish and badddd mother!! Till I realised its different for different people and it happened to me slowly..very very slowly.
No love at first sight. First time I laid my eyes on Siddhu (That's how we have name him - Siddharth) I felt.... Nothing.. infact relieved that it was all finally over!!
Nothing filmy or whatever I had read about "this one moment when you see your little angel" feelings..All I could think was something is supposed to happen to me.. why is it not happening?
The next few weeks that followed were a real nightmare.. Endless days of nursing, changing diapers and my own recovery..I used to have bouts of frustration and even anger towards the baby who seemed to be doing nothing but crying and sleeping.
One of those days when Sid was sleeping in the cradle.. I suddenly felt how helpless he was, depending on me for everything. I felt sad for him!! ( I was supposed to love him) All he knew was to cry for anything and everything , for all his needs.
Slowly over days it happened. It was a protective feeling in the beginning.. I need to protect and take care of my little Sid. Then with his smiles, his cooing, his gurgling, his pouts and above all his ever smiling and shining eyes, that convey so many emotions!! - he has won over me!!
I'm head over heels in love with Siddhu now!! After more than two whole month it did happen to me...I'm not such a bad mom after all!!
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